The Red Claw


That’s enough from that stupid old man Adam. You want to end up running errands for old women and rescuing skinny girls from traders, go ahead and sigh up with that regular philanthropist over there. You want adventure, glory and the coolest guns on this island, follow me. My name’s Ronnie, but until you’ve proven yourself you can call me Sir. The Red Claw are the best, adn we;re the best because we pull no punches. This is survival, but who ever said survival can’t be fun?


Shay-man is insane. I don’t mean the good way, like me, I mean he’s properly tapped. He calls that Skull on his hat “McHeed” and takes advice from him, which usually consists of making some godawful concoction out of moonshine, mushrooms and herbs and injecting it until his eyes go purple and he starts speaking Dutch.
He knows one end of a syringe from another though, and for some reason he’s the only medic I’ve ever had that didn’t whine all day about being overworked.


Fatboy is a rude, crude, lewd hulk of a man who likes to drink, smoke and fraternise with members of the opposite sex. He’s a hoot and a half, I tell you. Whilst he’d almost certainly rather be playing poker and losing his share of the loot than helping you out, if you promise him there will be explosions and a bar at the end of the day, he’s probably follow you to the ends of his next drink.


Whilst Shay-Man may be insane, Topper is simply a sadist. After half our battles together, he doesn’t even remember to ask for his share of the loot – he’s too busy either regaling anyone that will listen to usually wildly exaggerated tales of the destruction he caused or arguing with his brother about who has the most kills racked up this month. Topper eats raw meat and I don’t like to ask where he gets it from when the rest of us have been on dry rations for weeks. Topper laughs like a hyena and can frequently be found clutching his groin following any conversation with Shrimp.


Pyro is Topper’s brother and they share a lot in common, although you wouldn’t know it the way they argue: mainly over which is the superior of their two deadly weapons. Pyro isn’t the sharpest tool in the box, but then he doesn’t need to be, as it’s very rare anyone ever gets close enough to him to take advantage of his dim witted nature.


Shrimp just joined us. Pyro picked her up in some hole of a town. I mean he literally picked her up and carried her with him. Topper seemed quite enamoured with his brother’s find but Shrimp put a swift end to his advances. She seems to trust Pyro, who shows more affection for her than I’ve seen him show anything other than his beloved flame-thrower. She’s unskilled and untested as yet, but I like her attitude, and I reckon she’ll soon be a real asset to the Gang.